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AvP Freaks

Fan Literature   -   AvP: The Spoof   -   Chapter 11
AvP: The Spoof
Written by:  SiL

Chapter 11 - Death And Destruction

The first Young one to go into the pyramid was an unfortunate one. He took a wrong turn and fell down a pit. The second Young one went the right way, but still fell down a pit. Crap’n’Pants took a step into the pyramid and stayed alive. When he walked near a pit, the pit moved aside. At this rate, he wouldn’t get to the lower levels. Heck, he wouldn’t even get to the next level.

“Show it who’s boss,” suggested the Leader.

Crap’n’Pants nodded and blasted the nearest pit with his shoulder cannon. The pit got mad, widened, and swallowed the Young one instantly. The Leader walked off somewhere…

The first Young one landed in The Pit. The Pit was a large circular room filled with all the skulls of the Initiators that weren’t needed. A Predator needed one skull to become a man; no more, no less. If you happened to take two home, you’d be kicked out as ‘over-eager’. This was not a good thing in the Tribe.

However, if you took three hundred skulls, you’d be called Maniac, Plasma-Happy, or ‘That Type Who Waists Ammunition Too Much’. Or, f you were in a particularly nice clan, you’d be called a ‘Tick L One Psychopathic Plasma Moron’. Translated, this means “One Mother F*cker You Don’t Want to Cross”.

So the Young one picked the least bashed skull and raised it high, claiming it as his own. this was the way things were done now, especially since the steep decline in Predators after hunting Initiators was made compulsory to become a man. So they just threw the excess in a pit and told the guys to get one.

Unfortunately, there was still a body attached to the head…

Waylay grabbed his crotch again.

“See?! I’m still cool!”

Sandy sighed. “Yes, but you’re a rerun. There can’t be a love scene with a rerun. I’ve got to take some unknown idiot like Adam or Jake. Sorry, but that’s the way.”

Waylay wasn’t really listening. He had this incredible ringing in his ears, and there was a numbness in the general groin region. He limped over to the base of a statue and groaned.

Adam came over, placed himself beside Sandy, and kissed her. In no time at all, they were both naked and rolling on the floor. Waylay pulled out a video camera and some popcorn and enjoyed the show. After about fifteen minutes, the two parted and were clothed, sitting like nothing had happened.

“See?” said Sandy. “Thanks to movies, anything can happen in any amount of time.”

Jake walked over, placed himself beside Adam and Sandy, and kissed them both. In no time at all …

The second Young one wasn’t as unfortunate as the first. He landed in the Pit of Pikes, which was a rather good area to land in. here, all the left over Initiator skulls were on pikes, and the floor was completely clean. At least he didn’t have to worry about any living Initiators.
So he just walked over to a Pike, took the trophy, and placed a Post-it were the skull was. The note read “IOU one Skull”.

This was also tradition. After taking the easy trophy, the Young ones were then sent to kill an Initiator to replace the skull they took. Now, to most logical thinking civilizations, this completely defeats the purpose of taking a skull in the first place. To Predators, however, this was what they called ‘Decent’ and ‘Honorable’.

It was also stupid, because there wasn’t actually a way to get out of the room…

The Leader’s wrist-blades sank into the hot meat, and with one gulp the burger was diminished. He repeated the process accordingly, and then gave a loud, satisfying burp as the last one disappeared.

“And now, to business.”

The Alien beside him finished the Sushi, held the chopsticks firmly in his hands, and bowed. The Leader did the same, and the two gave each other a meaningful look for twenty minutes, and then leapt at each other.
The Leader’s fist smashed against the Alien’s jaw, sending the hissing creature into and through about six walls. the Leader calmly walked over to him.

“Hrrrg, Hrrrrrrrrg,” said the Alien, pushing himself up the wall. “I… cannot… lose.”

“Don’t kid yourself,” the Leader said, aiming his shoulder canon firmly on the creatures groin.

There was another wait of about ten minutes, and then the Leader fired, catapulting the Alien through several more walls, down a stair well, over the railings, and into the Pit of Pikes where he was impaled.

“Hrrrrg, hrrrrrg…”

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