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Fan Literature   -   AvP: The Spoof   -   Chapter 7
AvP: The Spoof
Written by:  SiL


Chapter 7 - At the Whaling Station Pt. 2


The ship landed with all the grace of a dying duck in a thunderstorm. It hit the snow-covered surface, skidded for at least a kilometer, and smashed into the whaling station which collapsed like a box made of metal. At last the engines died down and the ramp slowly lowered.

“Here we are!” exclaimed the leader. “Miami!”

Now in Predator tongue, ‘Antarctica’ means a nice, warm place. However, since they found Antarctica wasn’t nice or warm, they dubbed it ‘Miami’. According to the Predish Dictionary, Miami goes as follows: Miami (n.) A cold place where one’s genitalia are likely to become frozen to the extent that at the slightest movement they will brake off. It is advised that no Female Yuatja go on hunts to such places, as many men will lose their most admired asset.

The leader was a veteran, and so wore traditional hunting gear. He was the toughest, roughest, most sexually depraved anal retentive worrier this side of the Milky Way. When he said jump, the others said ‘Rack off’. He paid no respect, and got none in return. He was the most absolute bad ass asshole ever. Except for Bad-ass-Asshole, who was named after his reputation was made.

The others wore thick furs that dragged along the floor as they walked. They were the young ones sent out to collect the head of an Initiator to prove their worth. At least that’s what they were told. The real reason they hunted for the heads of the Initiator was to party, get drunk, laid, and generally have a drug-induced good time.

So there they were, standing in the cold, when suddenly a human pocked his head up from the remains of the whaling station. He saw the Predators, yelped, and ducked back down again, hurrying to the fifth and eighth levels within three seconds of each other. It’s amazing how fast you can move when you’re falling.

The Leader punched one of the young ones for the sake of hitting him. This was followed by grunts, clicks, and the occasional passing of wind. Then they stood silently in the wind, waiting for the others to get into the pyramid.

“You know, I think we’re early,” said one of the younger ones.

There was a silence as one of them looked at his watch.

“His right,” he said. “We aren’t due for another chapter or so.”

Nearby, the Penguins watched.




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