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AvP Freaks

Fan Literature   -   AvP: The Spoof   -   Chapter 4
AvP: The Spoof
Written by:  SiL

Chapter 4 - Fornicating Space Travelers

The Ship glided through space, creating an impossible low rumble as it did so. The rumble came from artistic license, a script, and some guy going “Hrrhhhhhrhhhhrrhhh” into a microphone. However, if we were going by real life, then it was gliding as smoothly and quietly as possible.

The interior of said ship was very much like that of the Aztec’s, except it wasn’t in millions of pieces at the edge of a forest somewhere. Now, some may say that the Aztec’s took the design from the Predators. This is bull. The Predators are very uncreative when it comes to interior – or exterior, for that matter – design. That’s why they hired the Aztec Fab5 to do the designing.

At the moment the ship’s destination was Earth, the third rock of nine in a pitiful system called the Sol system. Or the Solar system, for you numbskulls. Or -

We would like to state the Author has been banned from continuing this sentence. It is rude, inappropriate, and altogether insulting. That’s why the sentence is being written by a different author. Sorry for the interruption.

…as it was known to the Predators; That Big Thing with Lots of Stupid Little Things Called Humans That Are Stupid Asses That Think Too Highly of Themselves.

So there was the ship, big and stuff, heading towards this planet Earth. The ship was a formidable sight indeed, which is more than can be said about its inhabitants. They just sat around fornicating what they hoped were female Predators, and not much else. On occasion they would hit each other with a ten-foot stick, but that was because they were too lazy to get up in the first place.

The leader of the little excursion, who wasn’t too busy fornicating the pilot, looked out as the little planet approached, a mass of green, white, blue, and some weird red that flashed up in select spots occasionally. These looked not unlike a big zit spiting pus out into the atmosphere. To the people on the planet, these were called volcanoes.

Now generally Predators don’t think much before a hunt except “I’m gonna get one this big”. This was the general thought which often interrupted the Predator’s usual train of thought, which is too rude.

“We will land in Miami,” said the leader blankly. “We will hunt, we will kill, and we will collect big heads for no reason other than compensation for the crew’s unfortunate physique. Well, most of the crew’s. Okay, a dozen.” He felt the stare of the planet right on him now. “Okay, it’s for my own compensation, happy?!”

The pilot sniggered.

That was when it was found that you can’t drive without a head.

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