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Fan Literature   -   AvP: The Spoof   -   Chapter 3
AvP: The Spoof
Written by:  SiL


Chapter 3 - The Gathering or Five Guys and a Girl


Sandy looked over at Michael who looked over at Jake who looked down at Chris who kicked Adam who in return smashed a plastic cup over the driver’s head. The driver just ignored this and sped down the street towards the airport. This was a bad move because this made him run into a lamp-post.

The others quietly stepped out of the limousine that had conveniently crashed outside the airport and threw the bill inside before stepping into the terminal. There they saw a lot of people milling about, not actually saying anything except “Gabble yabba oom”. This, when mixed over roughly thirty times, made the noise sound like people were speaking, even if no-one was looking at anyone else.

They walked over to the sign saying “Depart to Antarctica” and waited in a small, empty corridor. At one end was the door and at the other was nothing in between them and the outside. The occasional plane would take off, but thanks to ‘Silencers ‘R’ Us’ they made no noise. Except when they crashed due to engine failure.

Eventually an old man with graying hair and a massive comb-over hobbled over. He wore white shorts, a whit button shirt and a white hat. His walking stick had a sphere of sap on it, and inside the sap was a mosquito.

Sandy stood, put her hands on her hips, and sighed. “I think we’ve established that this isn’t a rip-off of ‘Jurassic Park’.” Theme music. “Shut up! Anyway, get changed, man!”

Waylay held out his hand. “Ah, Dr Satler. Good to meet you!”

“My name’s Sandy, asshole. Now get changed and get in the helicopter.”

The others were standing now, looking blankly at walls, crotches, chairs, and nasal hair. They really just wanted to get it over and done with.

Waylay walked into the male toilets and was in there for half a minute exactly. Or approximately. Whatever. Then he came out, dressed in ‘60’s disco clothes and wearing a reflective ball above his head. He grinned, grabbed his crotch in defiance of everything, and heard a crack. Slowly he released his hand and grimaced, his face slowly screwing into a gargoyle-esque picture.

“Right from Dante himself,” said Jake as he lead the group to the helicopter.

Waylay limped along after.



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