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AvP Freaks

Fan Literature   -   AvP: The Spoof   -   Chapter 14
AvP: The Spoof
Written by:  SiL

Chapter 14 - A TermiPengLien, Aliens, Humans and the Queen

Jake and Sandy turned, nodded to each other, and started to cut massive holes in the sea of Aliens. Miniguns poured out 200 rounds per second while grenades ruptured ancient walls and disintegrated Alien hides.
Now it is a well known fact that the only way to be able to shoot something is to have a complete lack of aim. This way, to shoot something in front of you, you have to aim over your right shoulder at a forty-five degree angle and make sure that you won’t hit anything. Then you pull the trigger and watch as everything in front of you is blown to absolute hell.

The Leader, finding nothing to shoot, shrugged and turned. That was when he found a complete lack of the author has been forbidden to complete this sentence. Please move on to the next paragraph.

Using his right arm, he dug his blades deep into the side of the creature’s neck and shot his arm out, slicing through the back of the neck. The TermiPengLien completely ignored this and raised its minigun-arm to the Leader’s chest. It grinned, revealing eight jaws, and smashed the Pred in the gut with the weapon.

‘Why the heck did you do that?’ screeched the Leader.

‘To, uh, kill you?’

The Leader sighed, bought its right arm around and removed the TermiPengLien’s arm with a single swipe. He fell to the floor, got up, brushed himself off, and fired his shoulder canon right into the creature’s torso.

With the pride of a kill, he turned to see not Sandy or Jake or the Aliens, but the Queen. Looking around, he found he wasn’t even in the same room; he was now in the very heart of the pyramid on the high platform that held the Queen when she wasn’t laying eggs.
‘How…?’ the Leader started.

‘Simple; we changed scenes while you turned around,’ said the Queen. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me…’

She grabbed the Leader’s head and pulled with all her might. Eventually it came off and she stumbled backwards towards the edge of the platform.

‘Oh, shit,’ she said as she fell into the abyss.

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