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AvP Freaks

Fan Literature   -   AvP: The Spoof   -   Chapter 10
AvP: The Spoof
Written by:  SiL

Chapter 10 - Hall of Gods

Admittedly, the hall on the other side of the canyon was dull. It was just a large stone building with twenty-foot high statues. On one side the statues were of Predators, holding in glory the genitals of their prey.

On the other side was a long row of Penguins, wearing various pieces of modified Predator armor. They held up high the trophies of the various creatures they had slain, as opposed to the genitalia.

“I take it these guys worship Penguins,” said Sandy, kicking a rodent as she went.

“No, I think they were owned by Penguins,” said Waylay.

They continued on down the hall, each making their own theory about the statues known. What they didn’t know, however, was that the pyramid was a monument built by the Penguins to compensate for their size. Then the Predators came and claimed it for their own.

But the Penguins were moving…

Three hundred Aliens massed in front of the Queen, kicking and biting to get a better spot with Her Bitchiness. She just sat their in her ‘meditation state’, dreaming of sugar plums and things to come. Like ice cream and a station break. And that pay rise she’d always wanted since staring in A3. It’s hard work bursting out of someone’s chest just above molten lead.

At last she resumed her ‘Queen’ posture (a.k.a., she was awake) and looked to the swarm.

“Oh, piss,” she said, and fell back asleep.

The Aliens looked amongst themselves. They didn’t know what to do.

“Can we maim things?” one asked.

“Why not?” asked another. “No point standing here doing nothing.”

They waited a few minutes for someone to move, but no one did. So then they looked towards the TermiPengLien. He looked back. They looked, he looked, nothing got done, and the Queen slept.

“I wanna maim somethin’,” he said at last.

The Aliens cheered and rushed into the pyramid.

The Young ones looked at the weapon rack in awe. It was so stacked that it had three, yes, three, shelves full of weapons. They included plasma casters, disk-shooters, star-dust, rocket launchers, Seal-fat launchers and the famous I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-Plasma Launchers.

“Take one each,” said the Leader. “They will guide you through your hunt. They will guide you to victory and Predator-hood. They wall guide – ah, you get the drift. But take something decent. We all know what happened to Tommy…”

Yes, they did all know what happened to Tommy. Took a banana and slaughtered six hundred Aliens before he slipped on the peel and died. The banana has since been banned in all Initiator hunts. Heck, it’s been banned in all hunts, period. Any planet that has banana’s is a planet that needs destroying. Or at least a planet that needs a good hunt.

One Young one took star-dust; another took the ICBINPL, and the last took the Rocket Launcher. The Leader nodded and closed the racks.

“Let the hunt begin.”

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