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AvP Freaks

Fan Literature   -   Aliens Vs Penguins: Naked, With Pie In   -   Chapter 5
Aliens Vs Penguins: Naked, With Pie In
Written by:  SiL

Chapter 5 - Now She’s really Shitty

Alex Pie, the lead researcher/scientist/layabout, eyed his Queen with the drooling love and affection you’d give to a meat pie. A really nice meat pie, with golden crust and hot, meaty insides…

"Ooh, my lovely little pie," he drooled. "I can’t wait any longer! I must have you!"

He pressed the "Open" button on the microwave, pulled out the pie and took a bite out of it.

"Ooh, mamma! That is one … fine … pie!" he said, falling to the ground in sheer ecstasy as he took another bite, and another, and another.

"Uh, sir?"

Pie looked up rather sheepishly to see the massive [censored] of General Ceremony. He stood, pie in hand, until he saw his face. Suddenly he wished he was still on the ground.

"How may I help you, General?" he asked politely, taking another bite out of his o-so wonderful pie…

"Your Queen seems constipated," Ceremony observed.

Pie looked over his shoulder. The queen squeezed and pushed, but nothing came out. She tried again, but to no avail. Eventually she pulled out a bottle of laxatives, downed the bottle and was creating eggs like always.

Pie turned back to Ceremony. "Anything else?"

"The Marine’s have gone numb. They no longer feel cold. Or heat. Or the sensual touch of the golden crust goodness of a good, hot meat pie…"

There was a silent moment were the two just ogled the pie until Ceremony snapped. "Give me my golden precious!" he screeched, grabbing Pie by the throat and reaching for the pie, but Pie kneed him in the groin and started running. But Ceremony wasn’t put off by that. He charged and tackled Pie to the ground, lifted him up and smashed him through the protective Plexiglas that separated the nest from the station.

One of the Aliens bounded over, grabbed the pie, and ran to the Queen. "I got it!" he called. "I got the –" he tripped, fell, and landed right on the pie. Her Majesty screeched in rage, flailing her arms aggressively as the Alien got up.

"Sorry, you Majesty," he said, cringing as he moved closer.

"I know," she replied, grabbing the Alien’s head and tearing it off like a rag doll’s. "Now get me pie! Lot’s of pie!" she screamed.

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