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Fan Literature   -   AvP: Extinction: The Story   -   Chapter 8
AvP: Extinction: The Story
Written by:  SMID


Chapter 8 - The Hunt Didn't Get Very Far


The Hunt-Overlord looked down from his control ship in orbit and stared. The woods where the hunters had been was completely gone. The lone Yautja ship was all that was left, sitting in the center of the barren blackened forest, smoking, it’s hull burnt to a crisp. He turned to his Hunt-Coordinator and Redecorator. “WHAT WEAPON COULD HAVE DONE THIS!”
Ruf’fles, the other predator, pressed a button, and amplified a fight on a barren plain nearby. On screen, oomans and hard meats fought it out around an ooman-constructed base. “I think it was the soft meats and their crazy weapons, Your Manliness.”
“Perhaps you are correct. Perhaps we misjudged these oomans. Perhaps their weaponry is far beyond ours. Perhaps I say perhaps too much.”
“Perhaps.”
“Shut up.”
The Hunt-Overlord thought for a few moments. “We have no choice. Call the fleet.”
“The little fleet?”
“The big fleet.”
“Oh, the kinda big fleet.”
“No, the BIG fleet.”
“The BIG fleet?”
“Isn’t that what I just said?”
“You tell me, big boy.”
“CALL THE FLEET ALREADY!”
“The little fleet?”
“ARGH!!”
The Hunt-Overlord backhanded Ruf’fles and grabbed the Yautja walkie-talkie on the ship’s dashboard. He put it on channel 3 and pressed the talk button. “This is Hunt-Overlord Cra’mitup’yo’u’ra’ss, requesting the BIG fleet at hunt world Viagra.”
A young Yautja female voice spoke from the radio. “I’m sorry, but your call could not be completed as directed. Please make sure you are using a touch-tone phone and are calling within your designated calling area.”
The Hunt-Overlord threw the walkie-talkie away, and pulled his cell phone out. He dialed the Yautja home world, then hit the send button. The phone beeped twice. He looked down at the little display. It read “Roaming”. He crushed it in the palm of his hand. “DO WE NOT HAVE A SINGLE WORKING MEANS OF CONTACT ON THIS BUCKET!??!”
Ruf’fles stood up and brushed himself off. “If you want to call home, you’ll have to talk to the little guys in the back.” He pointed out the bridge door.
The Hunt-Overlord stalked off the bridge and walked up to the short aliens in the communications room behind it. One, a short alien who identified himself as ET, looked up. “Hunt-Overlord phone home?”
The second of the aliens, another short one but with huge ears and a cane, called Yoda, nodded. “Want to call out you do?”
The Hunt-Overlord nodded. “The home world, please.”
“Ten cents a minute it is, yes?”
“Yes, yes! Just connect me!”
The two aliens fiddled with the calling equipment for a moment, then the speaker began to ring. Finally, the automated answering machine picked up. “You have reached the Yautja home world phone system. To leave a message, press one. To transfer out, push six. To call in a tactical strike, push three.”
The Hunt-Overlord pushed three. “You have designated that you want to call in a tactical strike. If this is correct, press one, if this is not correct, push two.”
His pressed one. “If you would like to call in a tactical strike using the BIG fleet, press one, the kinda-big fleet, press two, or the little fleet, push three.”
He pressed one again. “You have designated that you want to call in a tactical strike using the BIG fleet. If this is correct, press one, if this is not, press two.”
He pressed one yet again. “Thank you, your request is being processed.”
He waited. As he waited, Yoda pulled a small plastic-wrapped item from his pocket. He offered it to the Hunt-Overlord. “Fruit roll up? Good for you, yes?”
“No thank you.”
Yoda peeled it open and stuffed it into his mouth, paper and all. After a few moments more, the phone clicked a few times. “Yallo?”
The Hunt-Overlord stepped forward. “This is Hunt-Overlord Cra’mitup’yo’u’ra’ss, requesting the BIG fleet at hunt world Viagra.”
There was a long pause. “Oh, sorry, dude. This is small appliances. Let me redirect you to tactical strikes…”
The Hunt-Overlord roared, then extended his wrist blades and stabbed himself in the left knee. His roar echoed through the ship.


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